Why Dr. Phil can kindly shut it (anger, power, and soulful business):
According to celebrity therapist Dr. Phil McGraw,
“Anger is nothing more than an outward expression of hurt, fear and frustration.”
I think Dr. Phil is full of s**t.
(And if he weren't so busy embedding in ICE raids, bankrupting media ventures, and calling people “stupid”, I'd point out to him that “frustration” is a form of anger. –But maybe I'm just a tad… angry.)
As a psychotherapist, one of my pet peeves is when people pretend anger isn't a “real” emotion.
Sure, sometimes anger is masking deeper woundedness or fear… but I assure you:
Anger is real, and it's an important, healthy emotion.
Anger helps you know when your boundaries are being violated.
Anger is a response to injustice.
Anger is a signal that there's a need for change.
And, as I've written in this series on healthy anger + business*, it's motivating.
So why are we so uncomfortable with anger?
One reason is that we often confuse the feeling of anger with the behavior of rage, which we've seen produce all kinds of destruction & pain.
But when it comes to denying healthy anger, I suspect it's because anger relates to power, and power is another concept that carries a lot of baggage and discomfort.
History (including our current moment) is littered with examples of abusive power. ("Power corrupts, absolute power absolutely corrupts.")
-And many of us have experienced painful consequences of people close to us misusing power.
But here's where I want to make an important distinction, and relate it to thriving in business:
There's a difference between Power-Over and Power-To.
Brené Brown points out that “Power-over is driven by fear” and leads to things like shaming, bullying, and cruelty.
Power-to, as defined by Martin Luther King in his 1968 speech to sanitation workers, is the ability to achieve purpose and effect change.
In this type of power, leaning into your YOU-ness (what & who you care about, what makes you angry, what your talents & strengths & opinions are, what lights you up, what change you want to make), radiates out to impact others.
This is the kind of power I want for you.
As a coach, I see people avoiding power all the time:
Smart, experienced people afraid to own their authority/expertise (and often running off to get more trainings before they feel comfortable promoting themselves).
Talented, passionate professionals afraid of “being seen”, and thus avoiding marketing themselves.
Competent, but confidence-lacking folks mismatching with business partners who project confidence, but may not have their best interest at heart.
Discomfort with money leading to finding ways to avoid letting it in.
…And a thousand more examples I could share here.
(By they way, if any of this sounds familiar, don't beat up on yourself. Many people survived painful life-circumstances by “being small” –and we don't give up our survival-mechanisms easily. Also, research shows that society often punishes people –especially women– who seek any kind of power; there's a lot of social conditioning that goes into this dynamic!).
So, to bring it back to the theme of healthy anger: forsaking your healthy emotion of anger is forsaking your power (and vice versa).
As a business coach and a therapist, I often say that “Your business is here to grow you." (I often call business-coaching “stealth-therapy”).
Every action you take to step into your power (letting your YOU-ness, including your emotions, have impact) within your business is helping you embrace healthy power as a whole human.
That is, your business is a great teacher; it's a great context in which to practice healthy power. ("Power-to").
The world needs more people with healthy power right now.
We need people to let their healthy anger motivate them to make change (to counter the power-over types).
This includes within your business and work life.
The world needs your work.
Your future clients need you to step into your power, to own your authority & expertise, and to put yourself out there, so they can find you and be impacted by you. (Often this starts with one brave baby-step).
Power-to is service. Healthy anger is real.
(You don't need a celebrity therapist to say it to make it true).
You've got this,
Jane
p.s. *This is the last in my series on healthy anger in business. Here are the others: (Use anger to identify the Villain you vanquish, save your clients from the baddies, and rebel against the naysayers.)
p.p.s. Feeling the urge for good power? Schedule a Clarity Call, and we'll discuss your goals together, explore your questions, and decide on a plan to help you show up more powerfully and get the results you want in your work and business.